Kamala Harris Giving First Interview with Emotional Support Animal

I’m literally tearing up as I write this…it’s so beautifully fantastic.

Kamala Harris will finally be giving her first solo interview since becoming the nominee. And she will have a comfort coach by her side for it. I kid you not.

Rather than send Kamala “She Speaks So Well” Harris out there to the wolves of CNN who adore and worship the ground she walks on…they are sending her out with Minnesota’s favorite pet–ShihTzunese, Tim Walz.

I die. Your first interview as THE NOMINEE to be PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES is now happening with your support animal in the room because you put it off for so long. Is he trained to anticipate fits of ignorance, or find word salads in luggage?? Will he alert a handler or drag you to a commercial break should anything violate the delicate ecosystem of BS required for you to function?

 

Now of course, they are framing it as the traditional “post-convention joint interview” Except that the traditional “post-convention joint interview” usually happens IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE CONVENTION. But who cares about tradition?! I believe there is also traditionally a primary where people vote and their elected candidate is the nominee.

There’s also traditionally a candidate who can be cogent enough for an interview within 40 days of being the nominee. Gosh, now that I think about it, there’s traditionally a functioning president in office and not on week 2 of vacation.

Another inconvenient truth, the traditional “first JOINT interview” usually happens after the traditional “first SOLO interview.” Which hasn’t happened yet.

By all means…let’s do return to some of the traditions of bygone days, Ofbarack. But nooooo.

 

Is Ms. KayKay “I Am Speaking Now” bwinging a big stwong man wif her…because she cannot BEAR THE WEIGHT OF SCRUTINY ON HER OWN. Seems solid. She and Lotus Toes are setting feminism back hundreds of years. “Can she vote too, Tim?! Will the missus be working outside the home, father?!?!” I am dead.

How’s that whole “I am the Resistance” thing going? Not very resistencish, right?

 

Classic. And all of this from the party of “We are literally LIVING IN the Handmaid’s Tale!”

Only (be)cause you bought the house, baby! Don’t live there. No one is making you get beat in sports by women with penises. And you are the one who is bringing-your-own-Patriarch to the PRE-RECORDED party.

The rest of us are not sterilizing ourselves in vans down by the rivers (Great Lakes to be fair) and are comfortable speaking without a chaperone present.

I always laughed at the marchers in their crimson frocks acting as if men were forcing them to be insufferable. But I’m totally finding a red handmaid’s cape for Thursday. I’ll need it for the debates anyway. There absolutely will be a video follow-up to both. Possibly in cape. Get. On. My. Level.

Now, it’s time for me to go delight myself coming up with fasci-Indochine inspired dog-show worthy names for the mut from Minn-uh-SO-duh. What a great day it’s turning out to be! …hmmm… Mr. Saint Paw’s Che Wu..ffff?