900 yr-old Cathedral Installs Carnival Ride in Place of Lecturn

On this week’s episode of “How Not to Grow a Church…”

This is NOT satire. You’re not being punked. This is real. I ran across this a while back and I had to google it because I…

  1. Couldn’t believe it
  2. Didn’t know what a Helter-Skelter slide was.


Now I know.

And, thusly say…

“What in the name of carnies is happening?”


I put a link below. But google it. Every article you read offers another cringe-worthy phrase or utter blasphemy to justify this short-lived strategy. For instance…


“We needed something to attract people and get them to engage with our building…”

Your building?! You think the Great Commission is about bringing people to encounter architecture? Is engaging with God Almighty so wholly insufficient?! Have transepts saved people from eternal damnation and I missed it??


“No one was coming….”

Shocking. You offered nothing before. I say that with confidence because, if you had, you would not be offering this.


“God wants to make Himself attractive to us..”

Obviously. Which is why Messiah came lowly and poor. Which makes the crucifixion awkward. Which makes the call to “die to self” seem so uncharacteristic of our big Basket of Fun God.


“We don’t have any young people..”

Give young people some credit. It’s not a rejection of God, it’s a rejection of the God you’ve shown them. It is not an indictment of His mercy, it is an indictment of your ministry. Let that sink in. Feel it deeply.


“God would revel in the fun we are having…”

And, that fun will last exactly as long as the slide down. Then what? Friend, if you thought moments of fun was the extent of the goodness of God… let me introduce you to enduring joy in lifetimes of pain. There ain’t no slide that tops that.


Yours is not the joy He promises.

Curses on us for peddling a lesser thing in His Name.


Have you ever seen a better picture of how broken and backward the Church can be?


Actually, yes. That would be the cathedral with mini-golf down its center aisle. (It’s a real thing, too.) This is post-Christian Europe. This is our same trajectory.


Maybe we don’t have a Helter Skelter in our hometown. But the American church is not so far off. Big, beautiful buildings with fewer coming, looking for relevance and attractions? Sound familiar?


But none is a substitute for the presence of God. This was literally shutting off the well of Living Water, to blow soap bubbles instead. And, they don’t know why the Lord does not honor them with more people?



This is different from a playground on campus…this is taking the place of the pulpit. Ensuring that nothing holy is said or done there while it stands.

Churches- You need more Jesus. Life transformation instead of thrill ride.

He is the main attraction. You do not have to “make Him better.” You can’t. In fact, strip it all down. Let Him shine alone. He is enough. I promise.


A lost and hurting world around us is doomed to go to Hell and we are content to make them tourists rather than convert them to heirs, family, warriors, priests, and missionaries. This carnival ride stood for 10 days before coming down and drew 10,000 people to the church during it’s time though no discernible growth was seen in numbers or members.


God help us. We elevated entertainment over worship. We thought Jesus needed a 55-foot slide to help His image. What will we think of next?


On next week’s episode of “How Not to Grow a Church…” Local church hosts family friendly drag show on a Sunday, very proudly preaches “acceptance.” (Which is not the Gospel.)


If this doesn’t seem like insanity, what would?

Link here:

“Cathedral Installs Carnival Slide Inside”


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